The War Zone

There are days I feel I am living in a war zone. Words seem to attack me no matter where I am. I might be in my own little happy world and out of no where comes a verbal attack. I do not believe I deserve any of it. It has taken me years to realize that it is not about me but about what lives in my husbands heart and mind. He sees ugliness where there is none and attacks me for what he views. Even though I now know that almost all of the negative attacks are not my fault, they still take their toll on me. It seems to drain me of my energy and remove my peace of mind. I am left with a feeling of "who cares" and "this life is too hard". Sometimes I retreat to bed but I am trying to fight this reaction. There are finally things I want to accomplish for myself and I am trying to be able to go on no matter what attack befalls me. I often wonder what terrible thoughts and fears live in my husband's mind.